The Recipe

Core Values and Life Lessons for a Successful Community.

 

The recipe is always the same.

It starts with the olive oil. “Carefully pick up the heavy tin container and pour into the measuring cup.” 

“How much? How do I know when to stop?” I would ask.

 “Enough for all of your cousins.”

 Next is the balsamic and the same question.

 “Enough for your aunties and uncles…. But make sure it’s a third of how much oil you used. We’ll know when it is right.”

 Add 2 spoonfuls of Grey Poupon.  Measure a tiny pile of thyme, salt, and marjoram in my palm. I’ll know when it’s right. Turn the pepper grinder 3 times.

“Your grandmother made it this way.”

Whisk. Dip a piece of lettuce into the cup. Tastes right.

Sunday dinner dressing making was a ritual in my family. But, the ritual wasn't about the dressing we were making or the recipe we were using; it was about something much more important—togetherness and communication. Conversations over salad dressing made questions like," How was your day?" and "What are you going to do about that?" much more normal and less threatening to answer.

Sunday was the time that the whole family came together. Sometimes aunts and uncles from my cousins’ other side of the family would be there.  Sometimes cousins from another generation popped over. Everyone lived pretty close to each other, and it didn’t matter if the adult was your mom or your aunt, great uncle, or first cousin once removed, they were invited. It didn’t matter if the uncle who moved out of state was visiting. The advice was always the same no matter who said it because it went along with our values and, of course, the advice was given while following one of my grandmother’s recipes, and the recipes contained the life lessons that made us who we are and, more importantly, what values we held in the family.

The advice was always the same no matter who said it because it went along with our values and, of course, the advice was given while following one of my grandmother’s recipes, and the recipes contained the life lessons that made us who we are and, more importantly, what values we held in the family.

Family values. Core values. A sense of identity.  A feeling of belonging. This is the glue that holds us all accountable.  It’s always the same recipe, and we know when it’s right. But sometimes, we need someone (usually family or someone we respect) to reaffirm what we already know.  For me, Sunday dinners with my family is where I got that affirmation. So, when my firstborn came along, I struggled with the fact that Sunday dinners with my family didn't happen the way they used to when I was a kid. My cousins moved a little east and I moved a little west, so weekly gatherings were no longer possible. I wondered, “would my boys be able to have these same experiences?  How would they learn the recipes I did?” I was afraid that family holidays wouldn’t be enough.

My husband and I began to talk about values and the ones we thought were most important to impart to our boys.  We asked each other about what worked in our own families growing up and what kinds of things we liked or disliked that we saw in other people’s families. What did we want our home to feel like? Who did we learn from?  At some point in the conversation, we both realized that it wasn’t just family that taught us our “recipes.”  There were other people in our lives that helped us develop--teachers, coaches, friends--all gave us “a dash of this” or “a pinch of that.”  In this conversation, we realized that it doesn’t have to happen the exact same way it did when we were growing up.  We realized that a variety of people would shape our boys, some who may be the same people who shaped us and some who are brand new.

The community my family lives within is the Eagle Hill School community. Within this wonderful community, my children interact daily with faculty members, staff, students, and students’ families. I keep in mind EHS’s philosophy that “every person who interacts with a student is a teacher” when I see my boys walk through campus and smile, laugh, high-five, or watch the students around them.  In fact, one of my boys’ favorite activities is to ride scooters after Sunday brunch in front of the gym.  They’ll jump off and play on the stone benches inscribed with Eagle Hill’s core values: Honesty, Kindness, Respect, and Purpose.  Even though we are not making my grandmother’s dressing, I often use this time to share my family’s recipes.

“Why are those words there?” They ask.

“They remind us what is important to our community at Eagle Hill and how we should make decisions.”

“They remind us what is important to our community at Eagle Hill and how we should make decisions.”

If I had to give a recipe to my family that describes EHS, I would say equal measures of core values, compassion, urging forward, a safe landing spot, and a touch of love.

And I am reminded that my boys just had brunch with 200 “big kids” they learn from every day. I trust that they’re learning the right things because I believe in the core values, and that they are being imparted to our community.