Essential Books Every Parent Should Read 

Must-read books for parents who want to raise independent, resilient and confident children.

by Dr. Eric Stone, Assistant Head of School for Student Life

As a former English teacher, I am a lover of all sorts of books — from fiction to history to cookbooks. Confession time: as an undergraduate studying to be a teacher, I could not stomach books about the art of teaching.  They seemed so contrived and were written by authors who, at least in my view, were never teachers or had only been in a classroom for a short time. It wasn’t until I left college that I began to appreciate the value of books on teaching; topics such as forming relationships with students, maximizing productivity, and developing effective teaching techniques became more relevant.  I think the actual turning point in how I viewed “how to” books was when a friend of mine bought me the book The Expectant Father after my wife and I found out she was pregnant. The book alleviated several of my fears and filled in the gaps where I needed them. Sometime after receiving that book, I decided I could reread books about teaching and learning, which would be beneficial to me as I grew as a teacher.

Fast forward twenty-plus years, and I am reading more than ever. My early bias against books that claimed to possess all teaching knowledge led me to consider ways to introduce teachers and parents to books that I enjoyed reading, cutting through any inherent biases they might have. My all-time favorite book on supporting and encouraging our children to practice agency is The Self-Driven Child by Ned Johnson and Bill Stixrud. The book offers practical advice and examples about raising autonomous children. Reading this book prompted me to seek out similar books on ways to give our children agency and allow them to make mistakes. I am excited to share some of my favorites with you here: 

Recommended Books for Raising Resilient Children

The Self-Driven Child: The Science and Sense of Giving Your Kids More Control Over Their Lives | by William Stixrud and Ned Johnson
Stixrud and Johnson show that a child’s sense of control is a cornerstone of motivation, mental health, and resilience. Drawing on neuroscience, psychology, and years of clinical and tutoring experience, they invite parents to step back from being managers and instead act as consultants who support kids in making their own decisions and learning from the consequences. The book offers practical strategies for shifting power in healthy ways—through giving children more say in school, activities, and downtime—so they develop agency, confidence, and the internal drive to navigate challenges on their own.

What Do You Say: How to Talk with Kids to Build Motivation, Stress Tolerance, and a Happy Home |  by William Stixrud and Ned Johnson
This insightful guide explores the power of communication between parents and children, offering specific strategies for conversations that motivate rather than dictate. Stixrud and Johnson draw from neuroscience and psychology to show how autonomy and empathy build resilience and cooperation. Their central message—listen more, lecture less—reminds parents that how we talk to kids profoundly shapes their independence and confidence.

The Gift of Failure: How the Best Parents Learn to Let Go So Their Children Can Succeed  |  by Jessica Lahey
Lahey’s book is an inspiring call for parents to step back and allow children the freedom to make mistakes. Through personal anecdotes and research, she demonstrates how overprotection and perfectionism hinder a child’s growth. The book provides a compelling argument that true success comes not from avoiding failure but from learning how to recover, adapt, and persist.

The Unlikely Art of Parental Pressure  |  by Chris Thurber and Hendrie Weisinger
This book tackles one of parenting’s toughest balancing acts: encouraging children to strive for success without overwhelming them with pressure. The authors explore the difference between healthy motivation and harmful stress, offering tools to transform pressure into support. The book’s practical approach helps parents create an atmosphere where high expectations coexist with emotional safety and understanding.

Growing Up in Public  |  by Devorah Heitner
In this timely work, Heitner delves into what it means for today’s kids and teens to grow up with social media, online communities, and constant connectivity. She examines privacy, reputation, and digital identity, providing guidance for parents trying to navigate these issues with empathy and realism, rather than fear. Heitner encourages families to foster open dialogue about digital life and model thoughtful online behavior.

Screenwise  |  by Devorah Heitner
Also by Heitner, this earlier book lays the groundwork for understanding how children use technology and what they need from adults to navigate it wisely. She offers a balanced perspective that values mentorship over monitoring, helping parents see screens as opportunities for connection and learning. Grounded in research and real-world examples, Screenwise helps families set boundaries that empower rather than restrict.

How to Raise an Adult  |  by Julie Lythcott-Haims
Lythcott-Haims examines the modern parenting trend of overinvolvement—what she calls “overparenting”—and its unintended consequences for children’s independence and well-being. Drawing on her experience as a college dean, she makes a powerful case for letting kids take charge of their own lives. The book encourages parents to shift from doing for their children to preparing them to do for themselves, fostering lasting self-confidence and resilience. 

Scaffold Parenting: Raising Resilient, Self-Reliant, and Secure Kids in an Age of Anxiety  |  by Harold KopewiczKoplewicz introduces the idea of “scaffold parenting,” using the image of scaffolding around a building to describe how parents can provide sturdy support while children grow toward independence. Grounded in child psychiatry and attachment science, the book explains how consistent structure, emotional warmth, and calibrated encouragement help kids take on new challenges, bounce back from setbacks, and develop real-world coping skills. As children mature, parents gradually remove parts of the “scaffold,” allowing them more freedom and responsibility, so they become capable, confident, and less vulnerable to the anxiety and fragility so common today.

Dr. Stone’s Takeaways in These Recommended Reads for Parents

Like any book of advice, I suggest taking what you like from it and leaving the rest. The books won’t answer all questions or solve all problems, but they will, I think, offer some insight and potential ways to deal with the often-challenging job of raising responsible and confident children. The books have helped me view the challenges my children and the students I work with face daily through a different lens, allowing me to approach those challenges in a way I wouldn't have before.